The House Built On L♡VE & Shenanigans

The In's and Out's of Family Life in Charlottesville, VA


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Respect My Recycle

For years now my sister would get on me about recycling.  Of course, every time we’d stay with family in Baltimore, I’d invariably need to throw something away.  Whether it was a damp plastic cup from a recent trip to a local food joint, orange peels, bread crusts, a milk carton that one of my daughters just finished off, or an empty can of tuna; my only concern was how quickly could I find a place to dispose of it, so I could move on with my day.

Not being a recycler myself, I wouldn’t hesitate to toss the waste into the nearest receptical I could find.  But soon after doing so, I’d hear my sisters agitated voice booming at me from the kitchen, “MAAARC, YOU’RE MIXING GARBAGE WITH REUSABLE’S AGAIN…RESPECT MY RECYCLE MAN!!!”

Dude, come on, ain’t nobody got time to be going through all that organizing, sorting and picking through trash.  I’ve got better things to do than rummage through all that mess.  This is what I thought to myself as I walked back into the kitchen to receive yet another lesson in “what goes where” from my sis.

It’s not like I didn’t see the value in recycling, I just had never gotten into the habit because:

  1. It takes more time (stay-at-home dad with three daughters…time is at a premium).  For me it wasn’t very convenient.
  2. It was just so confusing. I didn’t know what was recyclable and I had better things to do than to figure it out, I justified.
  3. Mostly I’d just plum forget to recycle…not an activity that was in the forefront of my brain!

Ignorance is bliss!

Plus, even if I did recycle, where the heck was I supposed to take all that stuff?  Seriously, I’m expected to put my hands in all that rubbish to sort out that junk then load it up in the car and lug it somewhere too? It’s not like we have curbside pickup for recycle.  Please…I just wasn’t gonna be able to do it.

This went on for years as I continued to toss out pound after pound of perfectly reusable materials, doing my part to increase the size of my local landfill without a hint of guilt or shame (well maybe just a ping of remorse).  But not enough to cause me to make a lifestyle change, even though somewhere in the back of my mind – probably from the seed planted by my sister, it seemed that recycling was the right thing to do.

And then my well guarded bliss was suddenly shattered like glass, splaying a thousand splintered daggers across the recesses of my mind!

Well no, it wasn’t that dramatic, but it was interesting that one day out of the blue, one of my girls had randomly suggested that we should start recycling; not realizing that just the day before, I had for the first time seen an obscured unassuming sign marking the location of the McIntire recycling center.  This center was so close to my house that I must have driven past it over a hundred times, never realized it was there.  I knew of its existence from word of mouth, but I never knew how conveniently located it really is.

Realizing it’s close proximity to our residence and coupled with my daughter’s random recycle request, a light bulb went off inside my consciousness, illuminating my dull state of unawareness.  It was as if something was whispering to me through this case of sheer serendipity.  The alarm had sounded and the bell had tolled.  I had no more excuses.

According to conserve-energy-future.com, there are many reasons why we should recycle, and one individual or family can truly make a world of difference.  “Averagely, every American produces about 1600 pounds of waste every year and that up to 1100 pounds of waste, is able to be recycled every year per person.  That represents a half a ton per individual.  This means a family of four can minimize waste by more than two tons each year just by the easy task of recycling.”

This week marks one month since we as a family made the commitment to recycle.  I don’t know that I’d agree that it’s an “easy task” to recycle, but it certainly feels good to believe that you are doing something good for the environment, while teaching your children a valuable lesson about their responsibility to our global community. For we are all one people, and are responsible for one another.

The girls have really taken to sorting out the different types of reusables, and it’s become yet another fun activity heading down to the recycling center.  We feel our efforts are going a long way toward preserving our environment because surprisingly, it seems that more than half of the stuff we used to throw away can actually be reused!

I always knew about recycling, but knowing about it and actually doing something about it are two different things.  I’m glad we have now made it a part of our lives.  And now like my sister, I’m a proud recycler.  There was a time when I scoffed at this proposition, now I put some “respeck” on it!

 

MB

 

 

 


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Listen Up!

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“If we were supposed to talk more than we listen, we would have two tongues and one ear.” – Mark Twain

Marley came home from school recently and firmly declared, “Dada, we are supposed to listen more than we talk. That’s why we have two ears and only one mouth.” Apparently, she picked this idea up from one of her teachers who obviously used this proposition, as a “classroom management technique.”  And since the teachers are required to wrangle with nearly 30 kids all day, who could blame them.  There is certainly a strong case to be made about the importance of this particular sentiment with regard to the way we choose to communicate.

There are many forms of communication that we use daily.  Verbal, which uses the spoken word to communicate one’s message.  Non-verbal, for example uses body language, gestures, and facial expressions.  Listening, is also one of the more important communication skills, but unfortunately it is the one that is probably practiced the least.  It would seem that our society has put more emphasis on “getting our point across,” to the detriment of actively listening to what others have to say.  I’ve often wondered if when we are engaged in conversations, do we really listen to what the other person is saying, or are we merely waiting for our turn to talk?

At boundless.com, they discuss the importance of listening, as well as the degrees of active listening.  They make it clear that, “listening is a skill of critical significance in all aspects of our lives–from maintaining our personal relationships, to getting our jobs done, to taking notes in class, to figuring out which bus to take to the airport. Regardless of how we’re engaged with listening, it’s important to understand that listening involves more than just hearing the words that are directed at us.”

What better way to for us to fully understand one another and connect on a deeper level than to listen?  Old angers and resentments will begin to vanish, and frustrations will seemingly melt away.

Written communication of course is also a major way of conveying a message or point of view that would be difficult to do with speech alone.  The deeper I delve into practicing the art of writing; I’m discovering one truly important fact.  As I desire to increase my skill as a writer, I’ve also begun to understand that to be a better scribe, I need to FIRST become a better listener.

The photograph above shows yours truly apparently eavesdropping on a conversation (although I would have needed The Rosetta Stone to decipher what these sculpted fellows were saying…BA-DUM TSHH).  However, it’s not really eavesdropping, but a great way for a writer to create dialogue, which is an important component to our fiction writing.  Not to mention a great way to get ideas for your next story.

So if we want to be successful in our creative pursuits, business endeavors, or in our various relationships, we could choose to do as Marley suggested, and in fact improve on our ability to listen.

Out of the mouths of babes oft times come true pearls of wisdom!

MB

 

Source: Boundless. “The Importance of Listening.” Boundless Communications. Boundless, 13 Apr. 2016. Retrieved 13 May. 2016 from https://www.boundless.com/communications/textbooks/boundless-communications-textbook/learning-to-listen-and-helping-others-do-the-same-5/understanding-listening-29/the-importance-of-listening-132-8285/

 

 


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The Girl Who Carried Too Much Stuff, Ready for Festival Season!

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We are pleased that on November 1, 2015, after a considerable amount of time and effort expended by a family of committed people, we were able to bring The Girl Who Carried Too Much Stuff book project to life!

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This young reader seems very pleased.

I continue to feel truly grateful and in awe of how well our labor of love is doing.  The book is  finding its way into the hands of many readers, bringing tons of smiles to the faces, and joy to the hearts of the many little ones who have experienced this thoughtful tale.

And now I’m pleased to announce (drum roll please) that The Girl Who Carried Too Much Stuff, was accepted to the 2016 Virginia Festival of the Book! 

As a part of this 5 day event, I was invited to present at:  The Jefferson School African American Heritage Center on Thursday, 3/17, and The Village School on Saturday, 3/19.

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Corbin H. loves the book!

I will also host a program at the Congregation Beth Israel on Thursday, 3/17 at 10 am, and I have a book signing at Alakazam Toy & Book store on Sunday, 3/20 from 3-4:30. All of these events are in Charlottesville, VA. so if you happen to be in the area, please come and check us out.

In addition to that, the book will also be presented at the 2016 Baltimore Book Festival! This festival is taking place on Saturday, September 24, 2016.  Please visit my website for more updates (times, locations, etc.) as they become available.

My hope is that this “little-book-that-could,” will continue to be used to inspire both young and old to follow their passion — to be bold, and to live this life on your own terms, by truly living and breathing your unique authenticity!

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That’s what we are here for!

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Kojo S. shows off his copy!

To create, love, encourage others…and to dream! But we mustn’t stop there.  Oh no homie, we must then act on those dreams in an effort to BE the change we seek to make in this universe.

Thank you to all those who have supported our book.

Let’s keep it movin’!

MB

 


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Hooray, The Books Have Arrived!

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Great news!

My first shipment of books arrived in the mail today.  Hot off the press…fresh out the box, and ready to be delivered to your doorstep.

Just in time for the holiday season!

Be sure to pick up your copy on Amazon November 9th.

Thanks again for all those who have supported this project.  I truly appreciate you all.

Also

For all those who’ll be in the Charlottesville area, I’ll be reading the book and signing copies on Sunday, November 1st at 3pm in Crozet, VA. at Over The Moon Bookstore.  Come on out and bring the kids.

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MB


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Whoops!

Have you ever had one of those days where things just don’t seem to be going the way you expected? Well let me tell ya, I seem to be having one of those WEEKS.

I can’t figure out exactly why, but maybe it’s because we are in the process of moving and our place looks like a warehouse, filled with stacked boxes, tape, and bubble wrap, that was hit by a typhoon. Couple that with all that goes along with moving (transferring bills, forwarding your address with the post office, renting a u-haul) has me feeling a bit addled.

Or is it that I’m still adjusting to having all the girls in school which has me feeling out of sorts?

With all that’s going on lately I’ve been very preoccupied – which has led to a series of minor mishaps.  As a result, there is one word that has defined my week and has become a main stay in my vernacular, and that word is…WHOOPS!

Here’s a brief list of the happenings that have led to my new overused expression:

  • We went out of town over the weekend and I left my cell phone charger at home. Whelp, no phone calls for me for a few days.  WHOOPS!
  • On the 3 hour drive back to Charlottesville, took the wrong highway, which added an additional 1 1/2 hours to the trip. WHOOPS!
  • Got back and began unpacking and realized that I left my laptop charger out of town. WHOOPS!
  • I was working on a blog post and pushed the “Publish” button instead of “Save Draft”, and accidently posted an unfinished piece that was totally not ready for public consumption. WHOOPS!

It’s all so annoying, frustrating, inconvenient, and unpleasant when this stuff happens to us. Those times when we don’t get what we want or things don’t go our way.

And here I sit typing this post on an IPad that belongs to one my girls because without my power cord, the battery on my laptop died days ago, which is an awkward nuisance and disruption to my routine.

I guess I could sulk around, cursing the heavens, while wondering, “why is all of this happening to me right now?” Or, I could choose to put all of these worries into perspective.

I’m quickly reminded of the poem by Michelle Sedas entitled, Welcome The Rain:

As the first raindrops fall to the ground

A businessman lets out an angry sigh.

Knowing traffic will be slow he thinks,

Why me? Why today? Just tell me why!

Outside of town, a farmer scans the horizon

As the storm clouds begin to roll in.

With joy and celebration he calls out,

We are blessed! At last, this drought will end!

In every life storms will come:

Adversity, Inconvenience, or Pain.

Only we can choose how we respond:

To be overwhelmed or to

Welcome The Rain.

When we are in the midst of our troubles it’s difficult to conceive that when these storms roll into our lives, they could be designed to make us stronger. These tough times never last, and if we gain nothing, hopefully we understand that they may serve to remind us that we’ve survived them before.  And by going through it, we have greater empathy for others who may also be struggling.


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New York Is Alright With Me!

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A couple weeks ago, I had the distinct pleasure of spending some much needed big girl time in New York City with my couSiS (cousin/sister) Julie, and our very young and super hip aunt Cherelle.  This visit was long overdue!

Let me tell you, it was one hysterically gut busting, good eatin’,  smorgasbord-for-the-senses-good time!


Having only been to the “Big Apple” once before with my in-laws several years ago when Marley Bear was just a baby, I really wasn’t able to get the full flava of the city.
This time was very different.

I was completely immersed in that iconic NY culture, so much so, that well…I pretty much felt like a born-again New Yorker.

But you have to be in good shape, both mentally and physically, to live in the big city.  I’m pretty sure we walked nearly 15 city miles, and caught no less than 10 brain-twisting trips on the subway daily. Plus we increased our carbon footprint by discarding no fewer than five fliers, pamphlets, and brochures per block for shows and various activities.  After awhile, I even learned how to not accept them… politely.


And how about all of my preconceived notions about New Yorkers? Loud, arrogant, gruff, rude, and inconsiderate – armed with their thick accents, coney dogs and pizza slices!  Heck, I thought half of those city slickers were intent on picking my pocket or swindling me outta my travelers checks.

I was expecting to see a parade of drug addled, sideshow freaky people (well, we did see a few of those, but hey, no judgement) who planned on accosting me at every turn while I walked, eyes down and shoulders hunched, clutching my purse for dear life.

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Ha!

Instead, I discovered very helpful, friendly, hospitable, seemingly honest folks, who contributed to an amazing and  flavorful trip.

Julie even lost her credit card, but it was returned to her the next day.  How’s that for busting the stereotype of the impatient, wise-guy borough dweller!

Heck, we even scored free breakfast our last day there at Cherelle’s cute little neighborhood coffee shop.

Not to mention, all the things that the big city has to offer. Our itinerary over the course of two days included a lot, but my favorites included:


  

This trip was such a fun and eye-opening event, that we’ve decided to make it an annual affair!

We felt like Carrie, Samantha, Miranda, and Charlotte.

Until the next time ladies…

And speaking of Charlotte…Meanwhile, back at the ranch in Charlottesville, the husbands where dutifully holding down the fort like good daddy’s should…a couple of regular ol’ Good Fellas.

Big Eddie, Lil Eddie, and Langston came up from North Carolina to keep Marc and the girls company while we were living it up in Gotham.  Instead of Three Men and a Baby, there were Two Men and Five Babies.  But no surprise, they held it down like they do!

Thanks gentlemen for helping to making this trip possible.  Get ready to do it all again next year.

Keep your burp cloths handy!

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The Real Good Fellas

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Introducing…Lil Eddie!

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Delaney…the little helper.


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The End Of An Era

 

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Ahh, peace and quiet.

Just me, my thoughts, and my computer.

It’s one of the main things I’ve always wanted.  Something I’ve always talked about.  You’ve all heard me mention how I couldn’t wait to be alone in a tranquil house, free to write, feeling unencumbered with no distractions.

And now I’ve got it – that mystical, magical, majestical day has finally arrived.  Oh yeah, IT IS ON!

Wow, right now in this moment, I can attest to the fact that silence truly is GOLDEN!

So I’m supposed to be having the time of my life right? This is supposed to be my time to shine!

Then why am I sitting here alone awash in an overwhelming sense of loss?

Why are there more tears in my coffee than cream?

DSC_0719Then it hit me…I think I’m actually experiencing, of all things,  Separation Anxiety from my kids. Especially from Journey, who has been with me the longest and is the last little birdie to leave the nest.  PBS.org and AhaParenting.com both have interesting articles on the subject.

 

DSC_0568_2I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that I feel this way.  For the past eight years, I’ve been a stay-at-home dad – even though it took several years for me to accept and become adjusted to the role of being a full time parent.  There is so much joy associated with being a full time caregiver to ones children, but it is also a lot of work, particularly if you choose to parent consciously.  There are long stretches of monotony associated with the routine of being at home all day with children.

I never thought that I’d ever get used to staying at home with three little girls.

But I did.

IMG_3534I found myself in a unique situation as a dad who stays home with kids. Its true that the numbers of fathers staying home have been steadily growing lately, (2 million dads vs 10 million moms) however when I started out in the gig, I was the only one I knew locally. We hardly ever got invited to play dates by moms in those early years, because I guess being the only guy on the block at home during the day seemed quite unusual to most.

I never thought that I’d ever get used to being the only guy at the park surrounded by a sea of moms, making our own fun.

But I did.

DSC_0076_3When you meet people at social gatherings for instance, they love to ask, “So, what do you do?”  You should have seen some peoples faces when I told them what I did all day.  They couldn’t understand the concept of a man staying home with kids.  It was as if I was just a weirdo babysitter or something. They’d quickly develop a disinterested look, and politely excuse themselves so they could chat with someone who they felt had greater career aspirations.

Later, in an effort to appear like a “normal guy,” I began to preface my answer with, “Well I worked for Sprint for eleven years, and now I’m staying home with my girls for awhile…until they go off to school.” I made sure to insinuate how temporary I felt my current situation  was, and I’d soon be back in the corporate world making money like a man is supposed to.

As time went on, my perspective changed, and I learned to eliminate all pretense. I have come to realize how important my position as a father who stays home with his little girls truly is.

I never thought that I would get comfortable proudly affirming to people that I’m a stay-at-home dad.

But I did.

Because I realized after all these years, that I’ve been more than just a stay-at-home dad.

I am:

  • a nurturer
  • a role model
  • a teacher
  • a chef
  • a nutritionist
  • a first-aid provider
  • a household manager
  • a maid
  • a butler
  • a spiritual advisor
  • a protector
  • an event coordinator
  • the head cheerleader.

These are some of the many hats that stay-at-home parents must wear.  And I finally got the hang of it…accepted it…and for the most part, have relished in it.

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One went off to school, and then there were two.  

Then two went off, and then there was one.  

Now all three are off, and at home there are none.

That chapter of my life is all but done.

So just like that, POOF…its just little ol me holding it down during the day – and a new chapter begins.  Can I get used to whatever the Universe has for me next?

I’m sure I will.

MB

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